"You cannot look after something that you hate"

While exploring Pinterest I came across this......

After pinning this to my motivation board I got to thinking about what it says.  I didn't just gloss over the meaning, I actually read it and re-read it a couple of times.  I finally realised that it does make sense and I think I finally understand something about myself.  

I have often wondered why I am so easily swayed by self-sabotage no matter how hard I try to do everything right.  I have been trying really hard to stay balanced with my food because I know that totally depriving myself of a sweet treat just leads to bingeing, but on the other hand, I also know that my sweet treat can lead to a binge anyway, because sometimes I just can't seem to stop myself.  

After really taking in the meaning of my new motivational picture I discovered the reason that self-sabotage and self-loathing are so easy for me.  It's because....."you cannot look after something that you hate."  It's simple really, especially when it's staring at you from the computer screen.  It's true as well.  I do hate my body.  I hate my husband touching me and although he says he doesn't care, I do, I care.  I don't understand how he can find me attractive when I look and feel so hideous. I don't even have a mirror in my bedroom because I can't stand to look at myself.

"You cannot look after something that you hate."  Is this why I just give up on myself so easily?  I really think that it is the reason, the answer I have been looking for.  Now, I just have to figure out what to do with myself.  I have been stuck in a rut for a while now and it is definitely time to get myself out of it.

I am over the self-loathing and sabotage and it's time to learn how to love myself instead of hating myself.  Hating myself is easy so I am going to challenge myself and go the other way.  Show myself some love and make time to be able to put more effort into my food preparation, because I know that is the key for me. 

A healthy balance is what I need and after reading one of my favourite blogs Happy or Hungry written by the gorgeous Lindsey about how she eats "about an 80/20 split, I’d say.  80 healthy, 20 treats!" This sounds like a great place to start.  I am not going to have treats everyday, but I am going to make up a food plan that includes them and that way I am hoping to avoid any food binges at all.

I have to remember that I do deserve to be happy and I do have to like myself so I want to look after myself and treat myself better.