It's Monday, my rest day and what do I do, I rest! Isn't that what you are supposed to do on a rest day?? Well, yes, it is, BUT why am I resting on a rest day when I haven't done any exercise for 2 weeks?????????
Why? Because I am feeling like a big, fat, lazy pog. Look, here's a picture of me.......
walking the dog
Watching TV
Then for some unknown reason, I feel like this.....
Hahahaha, I can't believe I said unknown reason! Of course I know the reason. I'm the reason! I seem to have become one of those people that complains about being fat and doing nothing about it.
 |
| such good advice |
I hate being fat and unable to do simple things like go shopping without having to go to the "big" stores to buy a pair of pants or a top, so why do I continue to self-sabotage my efforts by eating crap and being lazy? I have no excuse and even if I did, it would be stupid and suck. There really are no excuses.
"Don't complain about being fat if you're not willing to do anything about it!" I am willing and I go well for a while, lose a few kilos and then stop, just stop. I totally don't understand myself, this is how I feel at the moment......
I actually feel like this sometimes. I know what I need to do, I know how to do it, but I just don't. It's like my brain just shuts down and I feel as though I can't get it to start again. My journey is very, very mental (in all senses of the word), but what I mean is that I love to exercise.
Exercising makes me feel so good. I feel great after working out, I'm on a high, life is great etc. so why wouldn't I want to feel like that, really good, great even, all of the time? I can't work it out!
Is it because although I am 18 kg down, I still have 30+ kg to go? Am I finding the whole number thing a lot more daunting than I thought I did? Is it because I have such low self-esteem and self-belief that I am telling myself that I am going to fail so why bother? Do I need to break my goals down into 5 kilo lots or maybe even 5 lb (2.268 kg) lots? Maybe it's a combination of everything - it has to be I suppose, cause all these feelings don't just appear from nowhere, they must already be lurking in the back of my mind.
I'm actually very good at suppressing issues and pretending they don't exist, but lately I am starting to think that maybe I am eating these issues rather than suppressing them. Not so good at hiding from them as I thought I was! I'm not confrontational, I never have been. I was the "perfect" child. I never spoke back to my parents (or anyone for that matter), I just did what I was told even if I didn't want to. I was 21 before I ever told my mum off and of course I felt like crap afterwards even though I knew she deserved it.
If there ever was a confrontation I would (and still do) just shut down. I have all these thoughts racing through my mind and I often want to yell in, or punch the person's face, but I don't. I just take it! I don't say a word. I know this may sound weird, odd and strange, but I physically can't say anything. It's like my brain won't let me.
The words that I am longing to say, just won't come out. I'll just nod in agreement with whoever it is just to shut them up and make them go and leave me alone. My goodness, I am sounding so mature right now. Isn't a married woman with 4 of her own kids supposed to be able to speak her mind and not take any crap from anyone? Aren't I supposed to be able to defend myself and not revert to feeling like a scared child?
I'm actually very good at suppressing issues and pretending they don't exist, but lately I am starting to think that maybe I am eating these issues rather than suppressing them. Not so good at hiding from them as I thought I was! I'm not confrontational, I never have been. I was the "perfect" child. I never spoke back to my parents (or anyone for that matter), I just did what I was told even if I didn't want to. I was 21 before I ever told my mum off and of course I felt like crap afterwards even though I knew she deserved it.
If there ever was a confrontation I would (and still do) just shut down. I have all these thoughts racing through my mind and I often want to yell in, or punch the person's face, but I don't. I just take it! I don't say a word. I know this may sound weird, odd and strange, but I physically can't say anything. It's like my brain won't let me.
The words that I am longing to say, just won't come out. I'll just nod in agreement with whoever it is just to shut them up and make them go and leave me alone. My goodness, I am sounding so mature right now. Isn't a married woman with 4 of her own kids supposed to be able to speak her mind and not take any crap from anyone? Aren't I supposed to be able to defend myself and not revert to feeling like a scared child?
Enough of that, I think those are issues for a whole different type of blog. Back to the matter at hand! There are so many pictures floating around cyberspace of fit, healthy women and I want to be one of them, I really do, but I think I realised while writing this post is that I don't need to look like this......
......all ripped and muscular. I don't even need to be as hot as my BFF Jill (love her).
I just want to be healthy. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I just want to look decent, nice even, in the clothes I can buy from the rack in a normal clothes store. I don't want to be plus-size anymore, just fit and healthy.
I would even settle for this......
NOT!
Ewwwwwwww! Does anyone actually find this attractive?
Ewwwwwwww! Does anyone actually find this attractive?
Can someone please slap me in the face and then share your secrets with me......
- How do you get yourself out of a slump?
- Do mini weight goals work for you?
- How do you prioritise your fitness / health goals?
Oh Jane - I so know EXACTLY where you are coming from - I have been in the same situation as you on so many different occasions. Sitting around putting food into my mouth at the same time as questioning why I am eating this food when I know that, while it may taste nice, is not helping me achieve my goal.
ReplyDeleteI think that the best thing you can do is think back to what has worked for you in the past and try to replicate that behaviour. I think you are right to explore why you are eating - I know I eat when I am bored / upset / angry but I also eat because I like the taste of food - no, read junk there !!! I am not keen on food as such but give me biscuits, pastries, chocolates - I can eat forever - literally !!
You have such amazingly inspirational posters / pics - can you print some out and put them in strategic places where your food is to remind you of what you want to achieve which you won't if you self sabotage ?
It is hard when you have done so well with losing weight - 18kgs is a great number. I totally get how you can feel a little complacent because you have done so well - again, this is something I have experienced more than once. Actually there are times if I wonder if that is where I am right now - yes I have lost 25kgs - and yes I don't look too bad, but honestly, I would LOVE to lose another 6-8kgs, but I seem to have taken the lazy option and stay where I am rather than make the effort to lose more. Part of me says I need to be realistic about what I weigh - and I do know that it seems to be easier for me to maintain at this weight rather than at a weight 6-8kgs lower than I am. A thinks that if I do lose these extra kilos, it won't be long before I put it all back on AGAIN because it is just too difficult to maintain at that level - sometimes life is for living and not for spending every single waking moment worrying about how to get rid of those last pesky kilos and how to maintain that weight.
Know that I am here and if there is ANYTHING I can do to help - I am only too happy. I just wish I had a magic wand that I could wave to help you. You have so many other issues that you are dealing with at the same time, it is hard to focus on what is important for you because you are wanting to do what is right for everyone else - it is the way Mom's are made !!!
Lots and lots of love, hugs and positive energy !
Me
Oh, Jane! I wish we could speak on the phone.... I've so been there and felt like that. :)
ReplyDeleteIn answer to your questions...
1. To get myself out of a slump I pick one good/healthy choice and I do it. It may be something as small as choosing a glass of tea or water instead of a soda, or skipping the 2nd cupcake for the day. (ahem..last night as a matter of a fact..) It may be something like going for a short walk, even 20 minutes, just to move in some way.
2. Weight goals in general do not motivate me. I say that because it's taken me three years to lose 60 pounds, and I have 30 left to lose. That being said, I did breakdown my weight loss goal into three segments, starting with "Just get under 200 to start.." and that's when I decided to break up the 90 pounds into three parts, because getting under 200 put me 32 lbs down.
My weight goals are more like, "Let's just be down this week, okay?" LOL Again, I say that because I've tried to set goals, like "5 lbs a month" and it doesn't always work out. So, I've decided if I'm still lower than in the past I'm getting there.
3. I prioritize my fitness health goals by, um...well, I'm still learning on this, but making sure I stick to my fitness or activity commitment. In fact, I was going to be super busy today, but some time freed up. I've started a new workout (I'll blog about it soon) and decided I can fit it in, so I WILL do it. Yes, there's still other things I could do in those 30 minutes, but I'll be so glad I exercised when the day is over.
Jane, I'm wondering...are you a all-or-nothing person? I can't remember from what I've read of your blog, but if you are my advice is STOP. This is about real life and sometimes we can't change everything, but we can always change one thing.
Do one thing today that you will feel good about when you lay your head down at night. One healthy choice, one short bit of exercise that bumps your heart up for a couple minutes, one thing that is a step in the right direction. Eventually, they will add up and you might be surprised at where you end up. :)
Take care!