I made a Decision

I have quite a lot of stuff going on at home at the moment and have been having a really hard time getting to the pool and gym.  I'm facing a few obstacles which include a severe lack of motivation and the times which I am able to go to the gym (because of my type of membership), the kids and my husband's working hours.  Yesterday I made the decision to cancel my gym membership.

I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself lately and it has been making me feel like I have 10,000 people in my face always wanting something.  I'm trying to be the best mother and wife I can be while trying to fit my health in as well, but lately I have been coming last again.  Constantly putting myself last all the time is part of the reason I ended up at 115.2 kg (253 lb), I don't want to go back there.

I think I have given up a little because of the expectations I put on myself.  Apart from all the home duties that need to be done I've been stressing about not going to the gym.  I feel like I have to go and when I don't get there I feel so awful and ashamed of myself.  I seem to be stuck on a negative round-a-bout of "oh well, I didn't get to the gym yesterday so it doesn't matter if I don't go again today, what's another day anyway?"

Everything just feels heavy, like there is so much to do and that something has to be pushed to the side for me to get through each day and the only thing I can see that can be left out is me.  I've been uming and ahing about my gym membership for a few days now and the second I made the decision to cancel it I felt a huge release, I felt different, better!

I'm not going to stop working on my goals, this journey is too important to me.  I still have my treadmill, plenty of workout DVD's and the hubby and I both got bikes yesterday.  I have plenty to keep me busy, but the pressure of having to get to the gym between this time and this time is over.  

However, at the risk of sounding like a complete loony, I am considering joining another gym near me, that is open 24 hours (and it's only $9.95 a week).  It's not a fancy schmancy gym and group exercise classes are extra, but I really only wanted the gym for the weights anyway.  Another great thing about the 24 hrs is that after the kids are in bed, the dishes are done and house tidied up (for the millionth time that day) instead of me crawling into bed to watch TV, I can go and workout instead.  Not having the time constraints and having to squeeze everything in would really make a difference.  

I still have a few weeks paid up front on my other membership so that will give me time to consider joining the 24 hour gym.

Please share with me......

• Do you ever feel as though you are stretched too far?  
• How do you get back to feeling normal again?
• How often (if at all) do you put yourself last?