Realisation

I have always said that I would hate to be an alcoholic and not be able to have a beer or wine whenever I wanted, but today I discovered that I do have that exact problem, not with alcohol - with food!

I have a food problem, an addiction and I don't want it anymore! I hate being fat and I hate being tired all the time when all I have to do is make a commitment to myself that I am going to change my life by eating better and exercising more consistently. I don't have to deprive myself just make better choices everyday because this is for life, not just this week or month but forever and what is wrong with that? Nothing!!

There is nothing wrong with making good healthy choices for the rest of my life because this healthy change will make for a healthier, happier me! How can that be a bad thing?

Just after Christmas I started a No More Chocolate till Easter Challenge. I have been doing this for 2 months and have a little under 2 months to go and I haven't found it hard at all. I don't even feel tempted by chocolate when I walk down the confectionary aisle at the supermarket anymore - it is such a great feeling. I used to look at chocolate and wonder how many chocolate bars could I scoff down on my way home from the shopping so no one would know about it, but that was the old me - I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE! I haven't for months.

I don't need chocolate or any rubbish for that matter and I am in control now, NOT the food. I don't need or want chips, chocolate, biscuits or meringues from the bakery everyday anymore, I never did need it, but I wanted it. The urge was strong and for the most part it felt uncontrolable, I had to have it, which to me is an addiction. Since discovering my addiction which at first seemed so stupid to me, well I suppose it seemed stupid because I hadn't accepted that it was an addiction, but since I have accepted it, it has become so much easier to control.

I have come to realise that I am always going to have ups and downs and that I can't just turn to food all of the time. I HAVE to learn to deal with it another way! So far the no chocolate challenge has been working wonders, but I think I need more focus than that so that is why I am sooooo glad I entered the MDC Fun Run. It is giving me something more. Now before I eat something, I think to myself, would a runner eat this? Would Sheryl (Bitch Cakes) or Julie (Peanut Butter Fingers) eat this? If the answer is no, then I don't eat it. I put it away and get something else. I am getting so much better at this whole food thing and alot of it is greatly due to all of the wonderful blogs I follow. I get so much motivation from reading them and it spurs me on to do better and be the best I can be.

I have set my alarm for 5.30 am to be at the gym by 6.00 am so I can "train" - ha, I sound like an athlete - I wish! So I can train for my run. I will be setting the treadmill for 4 kms and do my best to finish under 40 mins. I ran for 10mins without slowing to a walk last time so I am going for at least 12 mins without walking this time and so on and slowly build myself up to the whole 4 kms.

I am actually excited about my Fun Run and although it's only 4 kms, it will be a huge achievement for me to complete it. I don't even care if it takes me 2 hours or I have to walk half of it, I just want to finish it.

I have been watching Fat Family Diet each week and the English dude - can't remember his name, who hosts it and puts the families on their diet and exercise programs said something so simple and true. He said "it's simple, all you have to do is eat less and move more". How easy is that and who hasn't heard that before? No one is my guess, I mean I hear that everyday (I mainly only watch weight loss related shows - love Foxtel), but for some reason, when English dude said it, for some reason it actually sunk in to my stupid brain and I realised that yes, it is simple, that's all I have to do and from now on, that's all I am going to do.

I have gotten rid of all of my mini goals and challenges - for example, goal weight at the end of December or whatever month it is because I found that these goals and challenges seemed to be putting a lot of unwanted or needed pressure on me. I kept thinking I have to weigh this then or I have to weigh this now and I don't etc, etc, etc. So I decided to get rid of them all and just focus on eating more healthily and focus on my running or something that at least resembles running. I am even thinking of fortnightly weigh-ins like they do on The Diet Tribe - I love Foxtel, I think I mentioned that already.

OK, way too much rambling, just needed to get my thoughts out.