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I Wish I had an Off Switch

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I wish I had an on and off switch!!! There are some days when all I want is to be able to turn myself off and get rid of all my emotions. Why? Emotions are what cause me to over-eat and look for comfort in food. I know I am an emotional eater and know what my triggers are and I know how to control most of my triggers, but there is one emotion - frustration - that still gets the best of me and I am wondering if this particular emotion will always win? Will I ever beat it?

At this very moment I would have to say a big fat (just like me) NO!!!!!

My "magic" tea can't make everything go away. It's not from some exotic rainforest or anything like that it is just plain old black tea (with a little milk). Because I make a point of sitting down and just drinking the tea with no interruptions like the computer or phone it gives me a few mins to just calm down and relax. I just let my mind wander wherever it wants to go and I just seem to forget about everything else, especially the things that were bothering me. It works really well except for when I get really frustrated about something.

When I am feeling really frustrated I get into that *stuff it* mode and I start feeling sorry for myself, telling myself that I am already fat so what difference does it make what I eat or what I do and everything just goes out the window. My frustration just consumes me and I feel like I have no control over anything, that I am useless and stupid. It's like I can't take any more and I just want to give up on everything.

I can now recognise when I am feeling frustrated and I know what I am likely to do so why can't I stop it? Why, when I know all this stuff about how I am feeling, why I am feeling that way and what the outcome usually is, why can't I just stop and focus? Why do I always give in to this emotion?

Something for me to ponder over my next magic tea. I think I should also try and come up with some more beneficial ways of dealing with how I feel and act when feeling so frustrated.

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