Chocolate Challenge

I have decided to give myself a NO chocolate challenge till Christmas. This is mainly because I know that on Christmas day I will definitely be cracking open the scorched almonds. Scorched almonds on Christmas day is my tradition, it is the only time of the year that I have them, well 2 days to be exact - Christmas day and Boxing day. I am giving myself this challenge because I really want to enjoy my almonds, I don't just want to scoff them down because it is Christmas. I want to learn to savour my treats and look forward to them not to mention how swearing off chocolate for the next couple of months will help greatly towards my weight loss.

I am also hoping to lose 10 kilos by Christmas day. There is 11 weigh-ins left until then and I am prepared to give it my all. If giving up chocolate completely for the next 11 weeks means meeting my 10 kilo goal, then I will do it. If I have to go to the gym everyday and work my butt off, then I will do it. If it means never having another softdrink again, then I will do it. I am determined and willing to do whatever it takes to reach my ultimate goal.

I am sick of being morbidly obese and I don't just want to lose weight to be just obese. I want to be in the healthy weight range. I want to have a healthy BMI. I have been battling with my weight for several years now - since my first child was born 11 years ago. I have lost the weight, then gained, then lost again and gained even more but this time something feels different. I think, well actually, I know that this time I really do BELIEVE in myself, I finally believe that I CAN do this, I believe that I WILL do this. My self belief is what has been missing in my success or lack of success. I have learned through this blog and through reading so many other blogs, stories and successes that it is essential for me to believe in ME. It is something that I have never done before so it is a strange concept for me. One thing I want even more than reaching goal, which goes hand in hand with reaching my goal weight is my self-esteem. I want my self-esteem back.

I really don't have any self-esteem, courage or self worth and I haven't for a very long time and this makes me very sad. I am actually too embarrassed to eat in public because of my size and I hate this feeling, I hate the way it makes me feel and I don't want to feel this way anymore. I am sooooo over being fat and miserable. It is time for me to take control of my life (and food) once and for all and I will do whatever I need to do to make this happen.