I don't really know where to start today. I am feeling so ashamed and embarrassed, but I thought I would confess anyway. I have discovered that if I just keep it within myself that it just gets worse and it's even harder for me to move on. I have been slipping back into some old and really bad habits.
I don't just mean overeating either, but it's what I do after the binge that is the scary part. I seem to have slipped back to my old bulimia days. There I said it, I admitted it. I still feel nervous, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest.
It started after we got home from the holiday with the house guest. She just made me hate myself so much that I could feel all those old, uncontrollable feelings coming back and the bulimia started again. Only a little bit at first, but then it was after every time I ate something that made me panic and think 'OMG I shouldn't have eaten that' even though what I had eaten wasn't that bad. It's not a good place to be in.
After starting my back to basics challenge (that is still going) I finally got control back and I have put that ugly bulimia back in the closet. It's a little unnerving knowing how easy it is to revert back to such bad habits, it felt as though I had never stopped at all. I haven't been anywhere near bulimic for many years now and I am more determined now, more than ever to make sure it never returns.
Thanks for listening, well reading and letting me be myself here. I love each and everyone of you who follow along and give me so much encouragement and support. It means more to me than you will ever know xxxx
Oh Jane - I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through - you know you can phone anytime and talk if you want.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that it is now behind you and you are starting again - new beginnings are always good for everyone !!!
Love, hugs and positive energy.
Me
Although it must suck, it's great that you've been able to share this and regained control - that's such a huge step. Bravo for being so brave. We're all here for you, x
ReplyDeleteJane I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this but grateful that you are recognizing it and doing what you can to control it! I spent many years being bulimic and there are times when I can feel myself slipping back into that darkness. It is so good that you can see it and pull yourself out!
ReplyDelete*hug* It is amazing how our old selves want to poke their ugly heads up and try and tell us that we can't succeed and we'll never change.
ReplyDeleteBeing able to stay honest about your journey is huge. You wouldn't have had to share that with anyone, as you have stopped the bulimic monster from getting the best of you, but knowing you're able to share about it is a giant step towards success!
We're here for you and always ready to support and encourage!
HUGS!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBig hug to you Jane, you have been brave by talking about it and I know you will get through this xx
ReplyDeleteTo share that was huge Jane, big thumbs up for putting your brave hat on and getting it out there.
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing today?